Get all 9 Run-On Sunshine releases available on Bandcamp and save 25%.
Includes unlimited streaming via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality downloads of I Can't be Normal but I'd Like to be OK, There's No Place Like Know Where?, Dogs and Cats! Living Together!, Where the Kids Are Bikeways, Partly Sunny/Partly Cloudy, Capital Cities, Songs for Kids and Kittens, 3-Way Cuddle, and 1 more.
1. |
Abstract: Roser Park
02:19
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Sunshine City, how’s it shining here for me?
727, at 27 degrees.
Got feet on hexagons while reaching for moss.
Didn’t take too long to go peninsular.
361 days of sun a year.
In 41’s shadow view is never clear.
Alley cat eyes are shooting pink bolts at me.
CAT bus is coming but decades since the last train.
Can bike from north shore up the incline to 4th.
Down Crescent Lake valley before Euclid St. Paul’s.
Rise to Grand Central plateau on way to the Gulf.
Got mind on a skyway that may take me south.
Now bouncing over bricks, garage apartment land.
Familiar smiles maybe someday become friends.
Roser Park canyon stops my clock every time.
Boyd Hill’s reminder when the point was all pines.
How many lives displaced by dome’s inception?
Are we counting down days till expiration?
600 block's on headlong collision generic.
Let’s seek palms’ solace at Gizella Kopsick.
Deciding where and when not much hope to win.
In each second’s sun bask till nostalgia begins.
Too many 75s and cranes may beat the rise of seas.
Sunshine City, how long will you shine for me?
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2. |
Not-a-Man-ifesto
02:43
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Another day of misgendering
from people who don’t know me.
Though can’t correct each stranger’s slip,
because I care, want you to see.
Parents surprised at what they saw:
Ordained a name, assigned a box.
From childhood on, something seemed wrong.
Lost for words and playing a part.
Then realized in 2015: Identity is non-binary!
Do I walk or talk like a man?
Don’t think or feel like a man.
I’m not a man, not a man, not a man, not a man!
Not a man, not a man, not a man, not a man!
I love you Joe, adore you Bo.
You have your songs, I’ll sing this one.
I’m not a man, not a man, not a man, not a man!
Not a man, not a man, not a man, not a man!
Why do I always have to explain?
“You can read about it online!”
Youth are mostly on board the train
while my age seems years behind.
Can’t speak for all who identify like me,
yet have voice and mic
to say there’s more than girls and boys:
A spectrum of endless beauty.
So let’s build world where gender queers are safe to be out proud and free!
I’m not the man with the plan.
I’m not the man you think I am.
I’m not a man, not a man, not a man, not a man!
Not a man, not a man, not a man, not a man!
My pronouns are they/their/them.
How about the noun? I’m a person.
And not a man, not a man, not a man, not a man!
Not a man, not a man, not a man, not a man!
Not asking much from you.
Just consider this thought:
Everything we learned of gender
is 100 percent wrong.
I’ve trained to sing so notes now sound
more like the voice in my mind.
When I laugh it’s straight from my heart.
And all this boosts confidence.
Hips meet their swing, lips find their shine.
Shirt and bike “for ladies” say.
Express and dress to match inside.
Oh, adjective? How about pretty?
Yes I’m gentle, but I’m no man.
I’m not any kind of man.
I’m not a man, not a man, not a man, not a man!
Not a man, not a man, not a man, not a man!
That name you used is dead to me.
Call me "MP," or "Mullarkey!"
And not a man, not a man, not a man, not a man!
Not a man, not a man, not a man, not a man!
And thank you for the time to find out who I am.
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3. |
Social Anxiety 101
02:26
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Relocate’s reminding that social anxiety’s not so much behind me, but lurking and tied to childhood spoiled by bullies.
Shows could be where unite yet feel like only one who defaults to alone with hopes for fresh "hellos." Drown in an ocean of couples and preformed friend groups.
How on earth did they meet? Work and school origins? Have they reached maximum friend capacity? Or can I turn visible by smile and purple combo.
Loneliness comes easy: Automatic like breathing.
But when I get to speaking, unease is really beginning.
How often can I see same person before one of us says finally, “Hey I keep seeing you.” Will it be them or me? And have they noticed me at all?
Flashback: Portastatic. Liberty Lunch, Austin. End of set turned and said, “So beautiful, wasn’t it?” No reply. No share with stranger who could be friend.
Even when talk once, no reentry guaranteed. See them in tight circle. Will invite me, introduce? Bring to perimeter? Could listen then interject. Instead, scared to intrude.
Why bother, it’s all so draining. Social failures in head replaying.
But know I’m more than anxiety. From dormancy, awaken butterfly.
House show at In-Between. On fridge they check cat ratings. I say, “Have met Gunky? Siamese, walks silly.” Minutes that are not noise, we fill with life stories, and promise to continue.
Making plans's next challenge. When I don’t hear right back, do I give up the ghost? Increase hermit percent? Weeks pass, a text, my flip shows squares. I bet they’re hearts.
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4. |
The Sprawl of Tampa Bay
01:56
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On sunshine state’s west side, this metro’s named for waterway.
Two decades, back to share roads, million more came while away.
St. Pete feels like an island, but beyond means behind wheel.
Crawling along the Frankland, wonder what am I doing here?
Tampa Bay, you’re sprawling!
It’s got everybody talking!
I don’t blame the water; keeps those strip malls spreading more.
Wish could fly like pelican, with Slime Queen land on floor.
This should not be a problem: Friends and fun on every side.
It’s lack of public transit, got us stressed, stuck, and crying.
Tampa Bay drivers appalling!
Bus systems here are heartless!
While skyline cancer’s spreading one percenter fantasies.
How about we take their money: Build rail system for our needs!
Fill the bay with ferries that cruise frequent-completely free!
Hey 19! You are the jammed way: Gulfport’s Golden Dinosaur,
Safety Harbor’s Flower Ellie, New Port Richey's cuties far.
Can take meow from Bradenton, keep Village of the Arts in my heart.
Pals south down Tamiami…Will high winds keep us apart?
Missing good things when I say “no.”
Safe from traffic, all alone!
Wish we’d all pick one city and move to proximity.
In this mess that lacks a center, may best solve it aurally.
Airwaves are like a room to hear what’s shared till next we meet.
Mermaids drive from Homosassa to springs of Weeki Wachee?
Can’t forget where had first night upon return: “Hello, Lakeland!”
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5. |
My Trick Brain
02:49
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Let me introduce you to the wild and wacky ride of my trick brain! I’m on it every day!
Feels like I have super powers to sense in ways that others can’t see! But it plays tricks on me!
Remember how told our stories beneath mango tree that Lake Worth night? Each word’s stored safe inside my mind, a gift that follows me wherever roam. Yet keys just had, nowhere to see. Into tailspin of resenting brainpower that fails me when I need; a flicking switch I can’t control. And negatives wish could forget, on board along with all the rest. My fragile dam at risk of burst; one memory can cause a flood.
Tell me what do you think of the fun and scary sides of my trick brain? Never a boring day!
There’s no background; all I perceive all at once always bombarding me! And I like it that way!
Brick walls sparkle, trees seem to speak. Child wonder’s mine eternally! But can’t filter, only perceive: Car beeps, door slams, my enemies. Taking pictures of city streets or seeking peace upon prairies, my life’s loves are not immune to anxieties’ abrupt intrude. What’s past-tragic still influences. Heart rate quickens, senses I doubt. Is 90s’ car crash reason why I check check that the door is shut?
Now you may be thinking it must suck to have to live with my trick brain! I never get a break!
Life’s a process where I find ways to live with all that is part of me! I’m learning every day!
Most effective cope strategy: To live out my own fantasy of friends and rock and wandering; the antonym of homebody. Now comes disrupt to my routine. The years of fears are justified. For good of all, what made me happy can no longer be reality. I’m trapped alone with all that’s wrong. Squeezed between walls, wonder how long till first half of next line's at least as real again as second part:
Life is so beautiful and terrifying!!
Life is so beautiful and terrifying!!
Life is so beautiful and terrifying!!
Life is so beautiful and
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6. |
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I don’t have a cat! Now that is such a shock.
Explain that I am tethered to a wandering heart.
Do not want to live with humans, but that means…
When I’m away, who will care for kitty’s needs?
Accept what I've sacrificed, yet this one thing…
Makes me think if I were “normal,” what could have been.
Crying eyes in cat food aisles.
Cat eyes gaze at me.
Wish for feline on my list.
To buy her some treats.
Shopping just for me.
More than ever I am missing love I’ve known…
When in past a cat has shared my own home.
Waking with a ball of purring fur on chest.
Nothing says “I love you” like a bite on nose.
Now we are all stuck inside till danger’s past.
“I’m lonely, can I borrow one of your cats?”
Crying eyes in cat food aisles.
We’re all wearing masks.
Only place I go to now.
Behind plexiglass.
Cashier’s always number one.
Remember when we hugged.
Thankful that I can still walk around St. Pete.
Say “hi” to those Uptown cats, always distancing.
Some day I will see my friends and their cats again.
Spoopy will bask in my pets until she swats.
Have you heard, Sunshine Catfe is open now.
Got two tickets to meow-adise, do you want to go?
Crying eyes in cat food aisles.
Cat eyes gaze at me.
This time treats are on my list.
For cat hope to meet.
I bet she’ll like these.
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7. |
Summer Thud
04:07
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Everyone has invisible friends but me.
Talking to no one but a voice in ear.
My focus: Blue jays and squirrels in trees.
Those jays seem to always cry, “Me! Me! Me!”
Squirrel chatter meaning’s such a mystery.
Think standing means, “Let’s have lunch meeting.”
This is my summer of twos and zeros.
Subtracting thirty-one years of progress.
If any stranger dared to say “hello,”
would I remember how to follow up?
Miss spring when at least had novelty,
and maybe was illusion of unity.
Now Florida’s proclaimed, “Shop! Dine! And Die!”
Neighbors slamming doors as they fall in line.
Set myself free, hour or two at a time:
Alone, outside only, through no door but mine.
Hello, Mirror Lake turtle buddies.
Gulls are circling and always laughing.
Yet some days I’m followed by anxieties:
Pressure to enjoy what is so fleeting.
Finding nature in city is my solace, and maybe’s blueprint for how to solve this. The joys of close living so easily lost...If good times return, can I relearn to trust happy-end myth? Or before next crisis, make a plan, damn sure to be way out-gone.
And when I do, friends I promise you:
I’ll be more regular reaching out.
May not have a house to offer?
But we’ll find a sweet spot to gaze at stars.
Don’t know how I’d be now without dear ones, who’ve kept touch even without sight or hugs. At least with them haven’t lost all social skills; releasing me from selfish perspective. And those haven’t talked to, but know they’re out there: Resume where we left off when it’s over?
This summer I landed with a dull thud
from rough tumble yet not to zero ground.
Some days, don’t feel the need to cry or scream.
Can’t call those good; best to hope for is nothing.
But I hear the true sound of this season.
Any other year I’d join them on the streets.
Where am I? Hiding not just from a virus.
I learn and prepare for autumn rising.
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8. |
Fade Out; Never-Ending
02:26
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This year when all my hangouts for safety’s sake had to cease, reflecting on the fade outs with so many friends through years.
We never had a fallout, and though always self-critique,
don’t think I fucked up and their glow persists from off screen.
Like you, my dear friend, who I met on Halloween.
You a doll, who was I? Oh, “heat miser” they call me.
Numbers we exchanged. So obvious, why delay.
You worked six straight days, yet found time for a movie.
I took Sun Tran to east side where we saw Science of Sleep.
You joked I’d have to walk home then gave me a ride downtown.
I poked the door to check if locked.
You asked, “Open magically?”
Your green eyes closed, then I turned key.
Door creaked, you looked to see.
Now upstairs, extended words and smiles a bit longer.
Timing’s on our side: Took two years, I get a car.
Lived far from downtown. Run into was unlikely.
Phone talks till next meet, at your house near Triple T.
So good to have a friend apart from drama-party scene.
We watched '08 debates while I pet Finnegan, at ease.
And wow how much it meant to see your smile through stage light glare. Weird singing elevated, but at home with you out there.
Who knows why? Down I-10? We lose touch, and then years pass.
Don’t matter who called last. All that counts: You’re the best.
Regrets? I have lots. To hang out more, wish I’d tried.
Maybe, hear this song, learn you never left my mind.
Songs always have an ending, can be fading or sudden.
In hearts we’re friends forever at eternal peak level.
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9. |
Character Actor
02:20
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Character actor! Seen me all around.
Tucson fixture, that’s what you’ll hear.
A part I happily played for years.
Easily typecast. Know me before we meet.
Karaoke queen or front row at shows.
Have you heard now I sing songs of my own?
Here’s my number if you’d like to know more.
Auditioning for the gig I’d like most:
I can be a good friend.
What do you need? I’ll listen.
Always been a challenge to land a starring role.
Support only for season or two.
Maybe it’s my fault, forever on the move.
Except for twelve years on the same show.
Met many stars whose career it launched.
Your presence was the award.
Then had our final episode.
Character actor! Back to east studio.
New ensemble with returning faves.
Role with aspects of life’s phases.
Learning that support doesn’t mean bit part.
Especially for me, once 15 and shut.
Then the movie stopped. Stopped.
Cut off from cast while I watch from perch:
Scenes of couple bike rides, walking dogs.
While I’m stuck looping solo show about
fear of dying not as bad as life alone.
Better to keep rehearsing,
for what maybe’s returning?
Unplanned interactions mutually make our days.
Order Sunshine Donut; barrista
calls me “dear” and I erupt in smiles.
Maybe had a rough shift, so I make sure
they know that they're the brightest star.
Character actor! You’ll see me around.
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10. |
Emotional Hardcore
02:37
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It only takes a year and a half from night we met till we are not far. By that I mean opposite sides of mountain range, one of us no car. "When are you free for a short hike?"
Excitement builds from end of Speedway, over Gates Pass, Picture Rocks ahead! You are brightest flower in desert. We find out all among prickly pears. I tell you: back only a while.
But we can meet at least once a week. June’s not so soon.
And you say maybe you can stay one night in Tucson.
One night's all it takes hugs to turn into kisses, which leads to more nights! All things with you so easy-sweet. Never hint of pressure to stay. And won’t ask you to follow me east.
You paint magic while I bleep and drone. We’re cutest two this world's ever known. You bring me warmth, but I need space heat. Mad at myself; late again at your gate. Your front row view of all’s wrong with me.
Now we’re saying “bye” for two weeks. Till our five months more.
Halfway through and no word from me. Is my sabotage?
Get your call at Point Loma laundry. And though I’d been inclined to poly, by default fell to monogamy. Now you admit, kisses while away. Yes, it’s best; didn’t wait to tell me.
What better place to start again: Tucson Mountains, warm for winter. We find our peace with end of romance. Friendship that can
survive miles and last. I love you…and yay, you love me!
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11. |
Beneath Spanish Moss
02:13
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This city’s often part cloudy.
Lone smile to find’s in an alley.
Of eight I’ve lived here third longest.
A third of that isolated.
Yearn for times distant and near.
House often on this tape appears.
More cats: Kaiba, Falafel.
For you sang “Avocado.”
I’m middle bound by bridges.
While peach sign for you’s an hour.
Down here we start, next is my turn.
Phone hours bring me close to you.
Be my friend, be my friend!
Be my friend, be my friend!
Meet beneath live oak trees.
Cuddle outside Karma Cream.
Sing your songs, pure and true.
Inspire with sunny outlook.
Help me learn what’s in my head.
Be my friend, be my friend!
Find me where? Ancient airstream,
St. Augustine, can walk to beach.
Wake to cutest frown, oh no.
Little one’s sick, you’re staying home.
Making plans across the miles:
Not easy, always worthwhile.
More than year, from “hi” to fifth
hangout when we have first kiss.
Querida, be my friend!
Meet my friends! Now your friends!
Let’s play shows! Maybe hey…
Someday we could start a band!
Never been to your house.
St. Pete for you remains unknown.
We have Tampa and Gainesville.
We’re lovers, and we’re friends!
Jane sang it, now send it to you:
In "Rush Hour," wow, look what you do!
Point to me, then strum your uke.
Basked in glow, no hiding blush.
Finding words takes me so long.
No drama, just happy song!
Romance ends before record’s done,
half the length of the buildup.
There’s no end, always friends!
Was distance? Sure, obvious.
And more than fits in a chorus.
Now we’re even better friends!
Your light guides me in darkness,
back from edge of hopelessness.
Dream of future smiles to greet:
“I like you! Let’s be friends!”
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12. |
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Album has been evolving since the March that stopped the world. No exception this song; expected reflections on a tour. 2020, (I-)10 with Trochee, till homecoming at Groundworks. Now holding hope for '22: Room gathered, spirit renewed?
Haunted by dread that live music cannot safely be what was. Eyes without face, the last dance passed? In which case, I would resolve:
Three decades of living a dream.
If no encore, there’s memories.
What’s tied for greatest love in life: Often obsession, unhealthy. Was doing fine, rebalancing; did not need virus for help. Scaled booking down to sweet, rare treats. Regained joy simply attending. Open mics freed me from promoting.
Looking back, did I reach my goals? Were times I counted friends not there. To towns returned with turnouts halved. Preserve that Belleville night’s wonder: Waiting to play, thought, “I made it.”
First show outside the southwest.
Had only voice, and a new tape.
Touring’s about friends, even if meet once then never see again. Gave me your time and smile, and hope inspired by “this you can do too.”
Found many long-time pals without living in the same city. Shelby, we had four years in row! Like food truck show, thank you Jesse!
Aaron! Saw first time ever played! Sad when we couldn’t meet in St. Louis. Tampa we keep missing, but hey…Closet Goth kickoff, Trunk Space, yay!
Yet not always do paths align.
One day only. “See you next time!(?)”
From now till end, all shows with friends will be reunions, legendary! Bigger in mind than any at giant stadium, long since crushed.
It's okay to cry for: our lost time, dear Andy, sweet Courtney. And how excited was to meet again: '04, Kirsten, Flash Gallery.
Got Blake Babies in my mind.
I’m so glad we’re still alive.
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13. |
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Well, ‘04, we couldn’t ditch the one who started wars. The world had gone so wrong, yet never felt more home. Tucson really had all, so I sold my car in 2005!
2005.
There’s city in desert, and desert in city. That year I mostly knew it as the night’s sweet breeze. Had streak of going out more than thirty in row! Some nights pedaling from one fun thing to another.
Maybe start at roller derby.
Then to Plush I’d catch the Torta.
Before Flycatcher, pre-bulldozer.
Usually led to karaoke.
Like that Sunday June at Congress.
Long rotation meant just one turn.
Sang “What You Need,” not “About a Girl.”
Yet happy to rock while others got to sing. Whether REO or things beloved like Femmes. In dim smoke light saw her to whom I gave flyer in 2005!
2005.
I said, “Hi there, Megan, are you going to sing?” She said that’s not her thing, but she liked watching. Her taste leaned more toward slow and sad than mine. Though rarely broke a smile, she brightened and proclaimed:
“Your karaoke’s entertaining!”
And “I love the way you’re dancing!”
Saw me one time sing “Pop Muzik,”
when I did get down, quite extremely.
Mashed in “New Drug” and “Ghostbusters.”
She made me all gosh-golly-gee.
Touched my tummy so randomly.
She had a crew with her; went to find in tap room. No invite to follow, but “nice talking to you.” Didn’t expect number but had hoped for a hug in 2005!
2005.
Two Fridays from then ended with a house party! Though didn’t drink was thrilled to stay up way past 3. Mesquite yard, bass thumped rooms, so many friends to see! One dreamy, first time meet, had dreamed to dance with me.
So I did not feel so sad that Megan was there, but we never talked that night. Though I smiled in her direction, no acknowledge. Seemed to be with guy-not-dancing.
Two weeks later, aboard a train.
West coast tour of karaoke.
In Portland, news hit me that while I’d been gone: Megan’s life had ended. Oh god, why, no! How? Insecurity got best of me, so I didn’t say “hi” when saw her last time…
In 2005.
First Monday back and now was like a whole new year. Found one who changed my life, and you can guess where starts. Met with her “Punk Rock Girl,” then I sang “Dress You Up.” Had two cats and the most amazing five-year old.
[Life-of-party did not vanish. But we found ways to keep balance. Three saw Corpse Bride, trick or treating. Found a sitter, then two went to shows together. Had blessing when sometimes, after bedtime I’d sing alone, her on my mind.]
I made two friends for life, but romance did not last past week two of ‘06. Okay, now what’s next? Life like ‘05’s first half, but greater confidence. “Should I move away?
“No, I’m going to stay.”
New friends and starting bands kept me rooted for years. Now visit, see those houses? Hung out here, here, and here. Oh Megan, wish I could have learned much more about you. You did say, “29.” Yeah, we both looked younger.
In Tucson where I glimpsed a snapshot of your life, each year was as precious…
as 2005.
---
Note: Lyrics in brackets ([ ]) do not appear in this recording, but they add extra detail to the story, so I include them here. Thanks for reading!
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14. |
(Memory Game?)
03:02
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‘13, Ear Candy, “Hi(gh)” Missoula. Brought voice and left that tape deck in car. Ears in stacks, floor of smiles and hearts. No way, one way! Songs don’t end, they start.
“A place to stay?” “Thanks!” And you say: “Can sleep now.” “No, I’d rather follow.” To a friend’s house for your stick and poke. Where many had gathered from the show. Drank (tails) tales of bears and peaks till I dozed. Then crossed the Clark Fork in pre-dawn glow.
Snagged four hours sleep in a perch Atlantic. Three floors above store: “We buy anything.” Morning you took me to roof for a wow!: Downtown surrounded by yellow mountains.
“Goodbye” then onto Peaceful Valley, where music sparked connect again! Missoula friend…gone sea level? As with many, begin then we drift. With some, tried renew after one meet. No reply. Don’t recall? Passed expiry?
(Ellipsis) Ellipses running since ’96; passengers picked up along the way. Most friends, I’ll -- never see again! No repeat required for love to stay.
Memory’s a game where we’re all winners! One proven way to live forever! A time machine, more needed than ever. Travel back and wish I could stay there.
Summer ‘21, again I’m roaming free. See old friends, some stops, but mostly the trails and me, memory-making. Against last year, feels normal to me. Except what I foresee when season’s ceased: Crushing monotony, dead plans haunting.
What town could stand burden of used to be?
Perhaps solution: eternal motion.
Home can be on the slopes of Tahoma. Till wherever next day brings me forward. Memories follow me toward the sun. Where we stop maybe has no answer.
Desert, tropics…form a power chord. Neither’s louder.
Hear them calling now.
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Run-On Sunshine Saint Petersburg, Florida
Video by Taylor Ducklow!: www.youtube.com/watch?v=UkFoZcqVfqw
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