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about

Recorded on 7/30/2020 at Slanted Land of Enchantment, St. Petersburg, Florida.

lyrics

Relocate’s reminding that social anxiety’s not so much behind me, but lurking and tied to childhood spoiled by bullies.

Shows could be where unite yet feel like only one who defaults to alone with hopes for fresh "hellos." Drown in an ocean of couples and preformed friend groups.

How on earth did they meet? Work and school origins? Have they reached maximum friend capacity? Or can I turn visible by smile and purple combo.

Loneliness comes easy: Automatic like breathing.
But when I get to speaking, unease is really beginning.

How often can I see same person before one of us says finally, “Hey I keep seeing you.” Will it be them or me? And have they noticed me at all?

Flashback: Portastatic. Liberty Lunch, Austin. End of set turned and said, “So beautiful, wasn’t it?” No reply. No share with stranger who could be friend.

Even when talk once, no reentry guaranteed. See them in tight circle. Will invite me, introduce? Bring to perimeter? Could listen then interject. Instead, scared to intrude.

Why bother, it’s all so draining. Social failures in head replaying.
But know I’m more than anxiety. From dormancy, awaken butterfly.

House show at In-Between. On fridge they check cat ratings. I say, “Have met Gunky? Siamese, walks silly.” Minutes that are not noise, we fill with life stories, and promise to continue.

Making plans's next challenge. When I don’t hear right back, do I give up the ghost? Increase hermit percent? Weeks pass, a text, my flip shows squares. I bet they’re hearts.

credits

from I Can't be Normal but I'd Like to be OK, released June 15, 2022

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Run-On Sunshine Saint Petersburg, Florida

Video by Taylor Ducklow!: www.youtube.com/watch?v=UkFoZcqVfqw

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