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There's No Place Like Know Where?

by Run-On Sunshine

/
1.
Hey Dad, you sailed on ship cross sea. So many states, why choose to be in place so dull, it makes me sick. Stand on heater, look out at it. Had family near, so planted here. Okay, I see, but not for me. Look at that map, we’re just a speck. Let’s go somewhere, be happier. When I grow up... Grow up wanna drive far far away. Get my own car, I’ll have my say. Grow up gonna drive far far away. I’ll have the keys to set me free. Just one time go on vacation. East Durham way, where Irish play. Three hours, farthest I’ve ever been. Dad gets us lost, mom yells at him. I ignore them, glued to windows. Each tree I see, brand new to me. If could I’d get out walk instead, take time to see each mile’s detail. When I grow up... Grow up wanna drive far far away. Get my own car, I’ll have my say. Grow up gonna drive far far away. I’ll have the keys to set me free.
2.
Hallway! Lead me to a new reality. Screaming! Door shut, not enough, ears betray me. Reason? Why mom erupted, can’t remember. Stack of comics waiting for reads. Can’t focus past the cacophony! Clock radio is all to compete. Casey save me, blast top 40! Window! Second story, slushy street scene. Two more! Frozen months, then watch me break free. They’ll chain me to one sorry block. Desperate 12, it’s all I’ve got! Once per week, resentfully, Dad takes us out on his day off. School’s no escape; Hell’s another name. Every move I make, they find ways to hate. Why take a chance?; silence best defense. Home may be jail, but my room is safe. Growing doubt! Beg one above; response empty. Way out! Dreams can’t foresee; function barely. Make friends, get job, go away, college. Life’s building blocks, can I expect? Town freak, shut in, likely vision, if I make it to adulthood. Shouting done for now; emerge for a snack. Parents eyes are glazed, how each day ends. Song in TV ad, “When you need it bad.” Palms sway in the breeze; that’s where I should be. One day!
3.
Summer Cut 01:49
It’s the start of summer! 8th grade’s done and gone. It’s the start of summer! Finally warm enough. Matt’s out with his pals; don’t want to bug these days. Mom’s in a good phase. Dad’s always working late. First time they’ve granted freedom that I’ve craved. Bike off on my own, back by certain time? "Okay." New comics Wednesday, Dream Factory’s the place. Down to Sike’s arcade, Time Soldiers, hours blown away. Never been down that street, I’ll see where it leads. Each day’s adventure, sweltering continually. It’s the heart of summer! Debbie’s on radio. It’s the heart of summer! Time to let hair grow. Almost don’t hate this town, now that I’m not trapped. Sun stays out way past 8, but I know won’t last. Late July, here comes dread, impending fall. But this year, first time, dare to have a hint of hope. Catholic to public, maybe finally make friends who can relate, stay in touch during breaks. Anything could happen, high school great unknown. Fear meets excitement, but hey, summer, can you pause? It’s the end of summer! Wish it would not be. My hell’s just got bigger. Still afraid to speak. Soon too cold to ride bike. Hope’s again on hold. Till next start of summer!
4.
Know before you read or listen: This song is about the darkest year I’ve had in my life. I’m thankful that I’m able to write this now and say, there are still challenges, but, I’m here, and I’m mostly pretty happy. If you choose to skip this song, the rock opera narrative will still make sense. If you yourself are struggling, please know that you are beautiful, and there are people who want to help you: 1-800-273-8255. ... Made it through another day; nights are longer anyway. There’s no home in my body, no. After school collapsed on bed; shut my eyes but not to rest. All else fails: oblivion. Maybe wake into a new form that humans will like more. How can they love what I sure don’t. The cycle of loathing…I’m not the one who started it. At least at my grade school, not boys but some girls kind to me. Wish there was one sense my pain, take my hand show me a way. Yet this body floats alone. Hair’s in eyes and down my back. Kids call me girl and a fag. Maybe they’re right, how should I know. Not like could dress cut like them: Instant receive acceptance. No costume hides what body shows. I’m at it, yet again…Hit myself to force some sense. At least I control it. Not much in life can say that of. Fifteen years has brought me here. Maybe worse in store for me. Times I plot to stop this show. Alone in house while parents shop; sift through cupboards, drawers’ contents. Never move beyond what if. Bet I’d fail then end up worse; expose my most wretched thoughts. I’d never hear the end of it. Not home body but it’s me. Some plan must be better than to write own eviction notice.
5.
Spring, 16, caged desperate. Wake now or never. Therapy maybe leads me where can see over. Mom, Dad, clueless. Older bro keeps feeding me tapes; past embarrassed, now offers: can tag along. July 2, wow The Who! Giants Stadium. Too shy to talk to those in caravan. Swimmer’s plugs, stolen from Dad; still so damn loud. Crowd scares me. How will I survive till end? Two hours transformed! When’s the next one? Music melds with inner noise, provides my voice. After last notes, start to form something to talk about. Take a chance, call one who met on that July Sunday. "Would you like to see with me, Dylan Lake Compounce?" My next step: The Anthrax. Ska’s sweet gatekeeper. Now punk rock, even if I'm hiding in the back. Takes few months, I push to front. My home is sound! Summer reborn. School’s still a drag, but at least I have friends in the lunch trenches. Share memories of summer concerts, plot weekend get-outs. Punk show kids from all the towns: Wilton, Westport, Weston. Tri-state freaks we gravitate. Then Anthrax closes down. New hangouts. Rocky Horror. Parties but not my house. Home by 2 turns to 4, parents freaking out. Dramas seethe, often me afraid to lose friends I've found. Graduate. Summer hey '91, please be best one! Who needs a job! Scene in parking lots. Something’s wrong.
6.
Who's Next?! 01:41
Stop and Shop’s got me checkout slaved. Must endure if I want to save. Parents not going to pay whole way. No college yet, for now I’ve stayed. Lots of time to think while I scan. Feel trapped now but I’ve got a plan. State school next year and get good grades. Grants and loans, then move far away. Who’s next?! They move in waves. Who’s next?! Must emigrate. Who’s next?! To break out of this state! Who’s next?! My friends recede. Who’s next?! New ones I meet. Who’s next?! But survivors must leave! Germ’s back around on winter break. Hanging at Dunkin’ like old days. Nowhere else to go in this sorry town. He’s moved down south, where they've got palms in ground. Says summers now, he’ll stay down there. He’s real moved on, not just college. Don’t say, I’m sad, yet can’t blame him. Who springs from jail, then comes back and visits? Who’s next?! Some choose Boston. Who’s next?! Others New York. Who’s next?! But for me that won’t work! Who’s next?! My sight’s farther. Who’s next?! Must get hotter. Who’s next?! Answer’s getting clearer. Now have me pushing shopping carts. Sick chilly wind whips across the lot. If stuck doing this where it’s sunnier to pay for school, that’s still better. Each day I see all these sad eyes. No one who stays has a cheerful life. Some day I’ll die, hope it’s in years. One thing’s for sure, I can’t die here. Who’s next?! They move in waves. Who’s next?! Must emigrate. Who’s next?! To break out of this state! Who’s next?! Won’t be the last. Who’s next?! I have a plan. Who’s next?! Answer's getting clearer: Next one who will leave here, staring from the mirror. 
7.
Relation bound to fail! Your latitude's all wrong. Too close to where I start! But guess you're good for now. Yet significance of this moment is clear. Pull off Wilbur Cross, can say I've moved out. Sixth floor of Chase Hall, look down upon quad. Roommate is random; he's not punk at all. Get oriented, then explore on my own. Tune Inn's just opened; timing is right on. Hey New Haven, thanks for being here! The perfect stepping stone. Hey Elm City, best in the worst state! Hartford's got nothing on you. Down on 9th Square, you could be my home! If I had nowhere else to go. Hey cute brownstones, would love to sleep in you! But poor, so, stuck in dorms. Commitment's not for me! Most weekends in Norwalk. School brochures pouring in! Front covers with shining palms. Trudging through wet snow to my class. History be damned, not cut out for this. Florida spring break: No jacket in March, all that matters. Six months and I'm gone. Old New Haven, life together is short! Spring signals time to part. Hey West Rock, still must hike up you! But finals keep me down. Summer sends me back to beginning. I'll visit before I'm gone. Ybor City, will be near you soon! And Gainesville, a drive not far. New Haven, we could have been!...
8.
Gathered on the lawn: Every friend who still lives nearby, here to see me off. Playing my boom box, drowning all us in Op Ivy. Moment’s got theme song. Never felt so wanted and loved. The sky wore bluest dress. Only thing that makes it so wrong: Next day I’ll be miles from them. Took years, now have friends that I want. No one’s pushed, I’ll jump. Linger on driveway. Can’t say byes communally. One-by-one procession. Erik’s words replay: “You got out kid” could be congrats, but may need sympathy. Mom bursts red-faced from the garage. “You all gotta leave, it’s dark.” Hide tears from friends but not from her. “Why you gotta do this now.” Alone by 10 but nowhere near sleep, chop most of my hair off. Shaved all round, still too weird for dad. "Won’t have to see it now!" More tapes for the drive: Flipper then Velocity Girl. Deleware Memorial. Now each state till Florida’s new, further from all I’ve known. Traded all for longer summers, friend count reset to zero. Could have stayed, built up what I’d gained. No one pushed, I jumped.
9.
Came here for the learning, where winter never stays. Town I left was not home, sick feeling anyway. Driving across the Gandy. Stoked that Rancid’s playing! Sun rays on bay my only friend. None in dorm had interest. They're hooked on Temple Pilots, sharing space but not reference. They’re not on the radio!, except for Nirvana. Dear ones live in records, tapes, all ages spaces. Symptom that something is wrong! No one to relate. Sandal rich fucks techno drugs, take me away! First story got check minus, but taught me show don’t tell. Profs help me find my real voice. Trade feedback with students, some of whom don’t get me. I’m writing what I know. They think punk’s not for poems; their words not wise but old. Excited for a meeting. "Looking for new deejays." Rotation, otherwise freeform. Reach is campus-only, AM 1070. Our audience mostly ourselves. Living on the radio! WUTZ. "We know you hate us" we proclaim, because they say…“Play us something that we know!” Deejays becoming friends, weird as me, maybe things will be okay! Now music director. “Hey, labels, send records.” Next station manager, because no one wanted it. Makes me stay for summer, before my final year. Friends I’ve made have gone back home. Growing tight with local bands, who live way out in Brandon. After shows I’m so alone. Living in the radio station, I’m squatting! Can’t afford to pay more for dorm; note quite legal. Roaches crawling on poster! Superchunk above me. Norwalk summer I’m missing. Reconnecting fun last year, now so long and far away!
10.
Want to be a cat down in Key West! Polydactyl like lived with Ernest. Only place can claim frost free US. 113 miles from the mainland stress. 90 miles Cuba from southernmost point I can bask, when I’m a cat. Spring break’s my last chance to take time off. Me and friends stay cheap in Marathon. Semester’s end looms like a gaping maw. So-called real life, what’s it got in store? Paradise turns fear to solution: Post-graduation, bring speciation. Want to be a cat down in Key West! A feline dream of what could be next. Falling coconuts the only threat. Storms turn to sun, Florida’s driest. Short fur will do for coping when rare nights drop to 60 or less. All the coolest cats live in Key West! Conch Republic flirts with secession. A black cat I can be free to be, drag darling: Barbara Stanwyck. We’re in Mallory Square greeting sunset. Try to focus on an ideal present. Yet dreading what I’ve seen in forecast: Back to Tampa, collide with a cold front. Won’t last but why waste a single day? To the tropics I will claw my way. Want to be a cat here in Key West! Never hurt a bird, feed from tourists. Even cemetery’s a sweet place to rest. At the foot of palm I’ll make my bed. Though soon time for me bid you farewell, know I’ll come back… And I’ll be a cat.
11.
Freedom '96 03:22
Been living in a postcard, it now occurs to me. Here at the river, among the palms. Behind me in Plant Park the minarets soar; verandah knows, sun never gone long. Skyline with a beer can across the Kennedy. It’s got its flaws, and I’m just one. Last year’s been a mad one. I can now take a pause. In charge of gear and deejays, turned into a stress ball. Yet ended sixteen credits, purely about the words. Can life be this full time, and may I choose the where? The thought of making stand here barely occurs to me, yet Spanish moss will be a loss. Gainesville’s a temptation, where I’d drop degrees. And all feel lost, down in this south. Location most important among the noise: Am I grad school bound? How about a job? It’s not like I’ve had nothing going for me here. Pohgoh shows, though 'bye to Stone Lounge and Blue Chair. No more No Bare Feet but can keep with Ink Nineteen. Hit with Ybor open bleeds and St. Pete coffee. Now packing in my dorm room it occurs to me: This is freest ever will be. Must leave the east to see if elsewhere fits my dreams: More bands on tour, hills joined with palms. A place where I can walk and feel a real belong. I’ve got to know! Kick down the door! All’s possible! And I’m only one who goes.
12.
A quick jaunt to the Port Authority. Ameripass, one bag's all that follows me. Atlanta's first after two nights half asleep. Week in Florida, this time the leaving is real. Hit Central Time Zone in panhandle, yeah! All miles, each inch to me is new from here! New Orleans, I want to eat you with my eyes. Alone, not ready, for now a quick good bye. Station, calling card, payphone news from Dad: Mom's got cancer but "nothing you can do." Houston feel swallowed, drowned, no where to stay! Half night to Dallas, next bus Austin way! Could you be the one? I feel so homey here. Strolling beneath oaks and music everywhere. San Antone just moments till my transfer. Overnight can't see so shock, not gradual. El Paso sunrise, this landscape's alien! Glued to windows while others oblivious! Tucson sleeps in heat, my eyes torn awake. To edge, walk in desert, sure that I'll be back. Phoenix hostel, they tell me downtown's not. Busing through dunes, how can I be ocean-bound. Down the mountain, well here's my Cali dream! Can anything live up to decades' expecting? A day to get through Montana, oh, big sky, why didn't I stop here? Hundreds of miles from anyone I know, it hits me: I've lost the mind I started with. This bus can't turn around, and neither can I. Thinking back to legendary cities. Diego, LA, June but where is the heat? Yet palms even grow in Frisco's eternal chill. Sacto, get hat stolen, guess I'll skip capital. Eugene's so green, I should feel most serene! Exhaustion warps me, think, "What am I doing here?" Moment passed, I'm good, not heard much about Portland. Like it but must keep rolling, new country: Vancouver on 4th, my own kind of freedom. Shame to end detained at the border for nothing. Seattle I imagine new life among your hills! After Tampa summers, maybe feeling's real. Fargo longest stop in days, mostly laundry. Minneapolis, warmest people yet to meet. Chicago, now this is what cities should be! But winters worse than youth are not my destiny. Final long haul to known stench: NYC. Back to Norwalk, figure out what's in front of me….!
13.
Five months back is all they’re going to get! Here for barely a week and cannot wait to leave. Escaped once I know that I hold the key! Store things and me for free while I plot strategy. Mom’s out of hospital, but doom hangs in the air. Her and Dad locked in same fight and settle TV stare. Burn rice just one time, you’d think I killed The Pope. I’m slamming doors again, soon bracing for the cold. Five months back is all I’m going to take! May I please take back all ill I spoke of Tampa? Try to hang with remains, but some of them are whack! Turned to right with Johnny; should have stuck with Joey. May lose my own mind if I stay past my deadline. Phone support for now, student loan payback time. My sole consolation is nearest shining lights: Trains to an island where noise feels like a quiet. Five days left and it’s feeling like an end! Not leaving for college but trying for a life. Records packed and they’re never coming back! It’s January mild, still too chilly for party. New York was in running; stay near the family? Yet can’t resist the pull of the songs sun and trees. When bye time Mom asks, "Have you seen your Dad cry?" First time. Maybe own migration comes to mind. Will we finally feel close, helped by distance and time?
14.
Cloudy January day mildly drizzling. I have arrived car-full and clueless. First time in a life I chose where to be based solely on my desire. Classifieds now reveal rents higher than hoped. Southeast down river is all I can afford. Round bend the skyline begs my feet to meet. There each chance I get with this arrangement... Working for the state in northern suburbs, do I really live in Austin? Or just driving by? Cooling October. Mineral’s playing; favorite local band’s final show. Feelings are enough to keep me company, yet oh what is lost without share. Seeing same people yet never talking. Burden it should be on them to welcome. At South By I saw: “Don’t move here” shirts said. What’s special about me?; blip on their radar. Grown no more shy than I was in Tampa, where had poems, zines, and station. I’m civilian now. Drought sweet July, great day for a Drag walk. I made it and soon I’m leaving. Saved up for a door on 38th Street that opens to the city’s heartbeat. Bike downhill to shows. A band from El Paso. Go away party, I’m only one knows. If I stayed more years, would I find my fit? Am I giving up what I can’t get back? Certain lost a Mom in a year and half here. Drawn to those already know me. Found home but alone, so swallow, follow standard west migration pattern. Glad I stopped a while.
15.
What were they thinking? This city perched above the beach precipitously. How can it be? Houses hugging hillsides. Wow, it's peachy keen. There's stress to start out. Guess all moves are that way. But left where I love; regrets holding sway. No one wants to rent to me. No job yet. The one that I found: a pyramid sham. Now bouncing rounds temps. Apartment's okay. Stroll Golden Hill; I love on off days. Wind shifts east. They're called Santa Anas. I name heavenly dreams. Fog's all gone. Mountains appear from nowhere and beckon to me. No call to work, oh "whoah is me." I'll hike and see! I got what I want, now take it away. Temp turns to full time. Commute on freeways. Cool rains, can deal, except spring never comes. May gray then June gloom, like life is on pause. I moved to have friends; they're few and they're true. But I don't belong, so best that I'm gone. Plan again. Moving back to Austin, or hey! Here is an idea... “I'll return.” Promised Tucson. Maybe I meant permanently. Trips to desert keep me dreaming. I'll make it real! I'm sorry to you, Normal Heights. Hillcrest, too, though you're all right. Must plant myself where I can see all through the year.
16.
No tape deck in this truck. Keep eyes on mileage signs. Diego’s further away than Tucson’s desert high. Speedway deposits me right to pink adobe mine. Unload’s task for a day, now walk on new year’s eve. Congress Street lures me down. 7 Black Cats, explore sounds. Midnight strikes here am I. Begin '01 alone. Zero to Sixty plays on; I think I’ll be all right. Girl wishes me a happy, so sweet, she makes my night. Walk home on 4th and whoah!, a bottle flies at me. Random drunken and it won’t be last time. In this home, some things can go wrong. Yet those in rooms I choose to hear and feel and move, I join their open arms. In this city seems like planet other, think my people finally found. See each thing lead to more. Invites to dance parties. Dormant love life revived. When down got karaoke. Downtown move and now find three friends on five-block walks. Saying bye for six weeks; 50 to see me off. Moved here for the desert. Glued to inhabitants. Now’s real what I’ve long dreamed: My voice in band of three. Thirty songs of life seen by happy planted nomad. Turnouts more than can count. '09 most of the time. Did I cross the line from which no turning back? Depend on reciprocation. Is it sustainable to build whole life upon whomever’s hanging round? Cast replaced gradually, on Congress strike the set. Art jacked by big TVs. Oh, '12 I'm waking to my feral heart beating. Never liked winters here, yet still unsettled spring.
17.
Crush! Move! 01:51
Crushing all over! I’m crushing all over. So many towns I’m stopping in are tugging at my heart. 2012 touring! Hug of War’s on it. Up the west coast, all the way, I’m casting my net far. Most free that I have been since '96 and a kid on a Greyhound! Unchained from illusion of permanence, my head’s all spinning around. Sacramento not yet! Though you got me pining. Most sun in the summer of any city on the earth. But summer time’s when I’m wandering. Don’t want to miss your best days, so I’ll keep you in reserve. Seattle, what a turnout! Yet sun’s still my greatest need, that I can’t change. Eugene, you surprised me! Could you grant me years sweet as one Monday? Touring’s all over! But can’t get over this deflated feeling my days in Tucson are numbered. Living all over this world’s what I want! The road’s now feeling more like home than the place where I return. One year, I’ll be elsewhere! Set my deadline though here they don’t believe. Phoenix, so obvious! Already connected, sure will be easy?
18.
Back from another day’s memory making. Pic snap’s a trick to lock them in tight. Presidio’s sparkling brighter than ever. June noon’s the ticket, viewing private. Up cactus path in cloudless twilight. Key turn, switch flick, emptiness sight. How the light looks different when it shines on nothing. Records and comics, back in storage. Amélie no more changing the white. All’s now reverb and a swamp cooled breeze. Yard where a black cat twice purred so sweet. Time was I’d be in a rush to Congress. Past year’s trendline: keep nights silent. But there’s one last outpost. West down Ventura. Downtowners not stray far from their range. Circle distilled to best, most caring. At least had one last meow by the tracks. Can’t overstate, it was my life’s best night. Week from today we’ll gather right here. Nothing but hardwood and closest friends. Will the tears flow, I know. And will not hide this time. Let us all share and reflect, prepare. Two hours from here but what’s more crucial: Promise followed by pulling trigger. Life’s bravest resolve and/or biggest mistake.
19.
Trips to scope out the scene. Funny Trunky friends, we can frequent convene. Finding hopes in alleys: Past disasters artists have lovely reclaimed. I can see South Mountain blinking lamp-glazed sky. Will this be signal that I'm home for a while? Am I really rerooting? Once said I'd never try. I'll follow theory, that balance shifted. Could it be? I'll trust a feeling. Despite the warnings, I know me. A night of welcome glee? Two weeks after arrive, planned it strategically. Lineup of my besties. Added one unknown to me, happy to meet. I can spot Camelback poke from canyon freeways. Palms thrive taller lower, as seen from landing. Started new where I choose, now want to leave! They parked it outside. Judged without knowing. Reject me. They talked of nothing. Tired rote of self choke. Canned cliché. Praise to ones who love me, yet can't burden to buffer from toxic city. Millions unprepared to embrace one who joined just for their belief. My stuff followed me. Exile self-imposed. Lease a leash. Had all those options. Cruel experiment on my own. How long?
20.
From the day my head got fixed on this Valley move idea, I knew that downtown Phoenix, yeah, was where I’d make it real. Yet Tempe still has more of that compact, cozy feel. I know you’re not wrong when you say you’d rather live down there. Tempe yeah they’re calling! Tempe yeah they’re calling! You’re texting me about this house show that’s so cool. The Trunk Space needs me tonight and you know I need them too. The weekend’s got one more half; light rail will take you here. But 15 blocks down Roosevelt’s too much for you to deal. Dig this: I’ll take that train to Mill and poke out my head. Hop on and join me. Then we’ll ride back together. I’ve got this whole city to show. Tempe yeah they’re calling! Tempe yeah they’re calling! Or I can bring my bike on board, we’ll ride your way. From leaves of Maple Ash to Southern’s strip mall gape. If some Tempe toy steals with convenience your heart, whomever I meet next I bet will live even more far. Mesa yeah they’re calling! Chandler yeah they’re calling! Glendale yeah they’re calling! Surprise yeah they’re calling! Tempe yeah they’re calling! My loneliness is sprawling.
21.
Uh oh no, I’ve done it again! Put decision against inertia. One year done, I’m sorry, Garfield! Found a sliver more like Tucson. Old brick homes with desert plantings. Heart says “yes” but what does it know? Seven blocks to 1506. Not much else except for state offices. Palm-lined park along Woodland what a sight... Closed all hours, cops arrest here. Someday will be all overpriced. Bike distance from clubs owned by one. Then street neighbors get pushed aside. Bet they won’t find houses for all. My island street in choppy west sea. Above Van Buren it’s called Oakland. Day and eve sweet family scene. Late night best ride Grand not 15th. Fall asleep to freight trains and a scream… Yet still if warm, window’s open. Some nights Bunny cat visits me. Or ferals slip to eat and run. Barely socializing besides. Fourteen nights behind soundboard, June. What chance that I’ll meet a new friend, strolling past seven cemeteries? My condition self-inflicted. Least not stuck in place I started. Fifteen dared not a future dream. Years and miles should stop my whining. Times when only a car has been place to sleep yet always had the key. And Dad who’d never turn me away, though heaping dose of guilt the price. While those who seek better and migrate are profiled, jailed, and separated. I get to live anywhere these states, though I’ve distant island ancestry. As clear as face stares from mirror: I’m a privileged beneficiary. Must do more than sing about me when others can’t pursue their dreams. To sing in someone else’s voice is a place not mine, now is the time: Turn it down and see what I can hear.
22.
Here comes foul stench. Invade my sense again. Sewer gas mixed among whatever blows today from west. Whole blocks clear cut, for years before my time. Vacant remain, while art falls to wreck ball again. I can see apocalypse by paradise light, yeah. City whole deserves to be a Superfund sight, now. Majestic palms somehow growing upright tall. Late day sun glances fronds. War zone, you're so sweet! What was I thinking? When I began again where all my needs could never be fulfilled. I know: The sounds. My friends create a light as strong as sun rays that smack the smog, yet still they reach our hearts. My own kind of paradise has much different vibe, yeah. Poets, players squeezed tight, bungalows preserved. Vibrant city keeps right with nature in sight. And I don't mean these lawns, no, they don't belong! Here comes the end. Load up U-Haul again. Last dance on Grand. Timing frightens me, not planned! Good friends gathered. Something bigger than me. Last ride among the ruins with paradise light, 'bye. Snapping pics of all the blocks that will transform with time. Know I'll miss even this, some of life's hardest years. Though it won't keep me here, light rail beep's so sweet!
23.
Doves are cooing, mesquite lizards up pushing. If not for neighbor’s yell, out yonder I'd feel. Quick hop to 4th Ave from where I left off. Now duplex south half. Return for a year, but near front of mind: Audition Tucson for rest of my life. Any who love you and leave will come back. Are there none immune? Go to shows like guest who used to star. Friends from old times guess home-bound or far. How long would it take to again belong? I’m so done with bars! Arrived in a Greyhound, now a tower Cadence. If where Tucson’s headed, one year’s all you’ll get. My roots are shallow. Stuck in '01, not where I’m from. Yet when you gave me near everything I wanted, no place on earth where I’d rather have been. Closing time’s arrived; will keep in thoughts close. Live here again may never but you... You will live in me. If Tucson I leave with hint of regret: Excess sunrise-ended days instead of started. The desert’s message: “Breathe me in pieces. But begin to see.” All the magic beauty just outside this city. Even made new friends to share sights with me. Records' new address, but time’s not done here yet.
24.
What a surprise! Forward’s reverse! Been correcting path since from San Diego turned. The future then was not across the ocean’s gleam. When east wind tempted me. Now from another way pushes to where should be. The west wind blows to east. But not to Austin; belongs not to me. Talking Florida, and I mean St. Pete. Oh, graduate me couldn’t wait to leave. Except for winters, found mostly lacking. I still have friends there; they tell me it’s changed. So have I, includes my priorities. When I tried Phoenix, like They said, "Whoah, not this way!" West winds changed the sky to a dust-choked wretched haze. Now know what wind revealed. Sign buried in my mind from cold youth’s desperate need. The west wind blows to east. The college age me was always a wreck. Now long as I’m warm, all pieces can fit? Across the bay from Tampa calls to me. Palms royal can thrive. Called "Sunshine City." The mayor banned Trump. The noise scene’s on fire. I’ll miss the mountains, till traveling time. Best time to be, oh Tucson, May and June. Where wind brings my dry heat. Then I’ll blow all around till solstice sends me down. North wind blows to southeast.
25.
Know Where? 02:21
I’ve heard advice: Don’t matter where plant yourself because, you’ll still be there. For some sure, fine, okay, whatev, but this flower needs extra care. Too much shade wilts, some paths trampled, cannot filter surrounding air. Taking a stand: I know that place tops my list for own happiness. Where sun rises, and where sun sets. My heart will break, I’ll pay the rent. There’s no place like know where? There’s no place like nowhere! My goal’s 50 percent happy. I picked a town. Three months, we’ll see. There’s no place like know where? There’s no place like nowhere! Time changes me, cities change, too. Forever never, ever will do. When inner voice spurs me to leave, must trust it knows, again must seek. Tucson remains one of my homes. This love requires separation. May grow stronger without pressure to constant meet expectation. The desert’s here, tropics are there. I’ve endured 17 winters. There’s no place like know where? There’s no place like nowhere! I’m rerooting. My hope’s long-term. If not, guess what, there’s a whole world! There’s no place like know where? There’s no place like nowhere! And if something stops me moving. I’ll no longer really be me.

about

This is a double-length autobiographical rock opera! I hope it inspires you to share your own life story.

Tracks 4, 18, and 21 are "special edition," bandcamp-only songs added 17 months after I released the rest of the album. You can listen without these songs if you'd like to hear the rock opera as originally released.

"Study guide" zine included with download! If you'd like a paper copy of the zine, send me a message.

All lyrics are posted on this site and included with the zine. Thank you for listening and thank you for reading!


The cassette is out-of-print! No plans to make more. Thanks to all who gave these tapes a good home! And thank you for listening to the songs here on bandcamp!

All Run-On Sunshine cassettes are now out-of-print except for the newest...check it out! runonsunshine.bandcamp.com/album/i-cant-be-normal-but-id-like-to-be-ok

credits

released June 22, 2017

Art by Cora Chance! www.instagram.com/obscurdudle/

"There’s No Place Like Know Where?" was recorded sporadically between March 6, 2015 and June 15, 2017. I recorded five songs at Meowinrovia in Phoenix, AZ, and I recorded the rest at West Key West in Tucson, AZ. Technically, I recorded one song at both: "The Call of Tempe," vocals revised in Tucson. All on Tascam Portastudio 414 mk II, in case you’re curious.

"Special edition" tracks 4, 18, and 21 were recorded even more sporadically between November 14, 2017 and October 10, 2018 at Somewhere Over the Nowhere in St. Petersburg, FL. Instead of using the hi-fi Portastudio, I recorded track 4 on a one-track RadioShack cassette recorder.

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Run-On Sunshine Saint Petersburg, Florida

Video by Taylor Ducklow!: www.youtube.com/watch?v=UkFoZcqVfqw

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